What is Ethical Non-Monogamy?
Within the sexuality world, there’s an endless amount of terminology and acronyms to learn and keep track of. Ethical non-monogamy, otherwise known as ENM, is one that has been popping up more and more recently, and most importantly, with growing awareness and acceptance. ENM is a relationship dynamic and approach where people can have more than one romantic and/or sexual partner at a time, and everyone is aware and enthusiastically consents. For some, ENM is a lifestyle choice whereas others understand it as a sexual orientation or part of their identity. The biggest appeal of ENM is that there are no set rules, and there is pure freedom in your relationship to shape and model it to how you see fit!
One of the best parts of ENM is that it is as expansive as it is creative and freeing. While there are generally different types of ENM and they all exist on a spectrum with some overlap, ultimately no relationship is the same. The main forms of ENM include open relationships, swinging, monogamish relationships, polyfidelity, and polyamory. We’ll cover each type briefly and what they look like in a general sense:
Open relationship: when a couple is open to new romantic or sexual partners.
Swinging: couples having sex with another couple and/or swapping partners.
Monogamish relationships: a couple that’s mostly monogamous but occasionally has sex with other people in certain situations – this is not the same as cheating! This is thoroughly and explicitly discussed and communicated within the relationship.
Polyfidelity: all partners in a closed group agree not to have relationships outside the established group and all are equal partners. This can look like triads (three people), quads (four people), or more.
Polyamory: people having multiple romantic or sexual relationships at a time. This can be hierarchical or non-hierarchical, which is just as it sounds. Hierarchical polyamory means having one primary relationship and other relationships being secondary. Non-hierarchical polyamory means all relationships are treated equally.
If you’re interested in getting a deeper understanding of the many, many different types of non-monogamy, famous ENM author Franklin Veaux has created a thorough chart for you to explore at your own pace! [http://www.obsidianfields.com/lj/nonmonogamy3-large.png]
So why has non-monogamy been a growing hot topic in 2021? With mental health awareness being more important than ever, many of us are having powerful realisations about our priorities, needs and wants. Moving through the pandemic, there’s been immense pressure placed on relationships to be fulfilling and to provide meaning and support in a time of sheer chaos and uncertainty. With it, comes this awareness that traditional monogamy may not be cutting it for some.
With divorce rates continuing to rise, we’re realising that the concept of ‘The One’, may not align with many people’s experiences, and we’re seeing the immense healing power in building community and through that, in non-monogamy. As we continue to take back the power in re-defining our work-life balance by working from home, we’re also taking back the power in re-shaping our relationships. In 2021, we’re saying goodbye to unfulfilling relationships and unhealthy patterns. In 2022, we’re putting ourselves and our needs first!